Lifehouse Restoration Center for Professional Counseling

Use the following guides to help you organize and write your story. Try to let your own free flow of thoughts and memories come out. Don't follow the guides exactly - let them be triggers for topics and issues. You can print this page out for reference or you can email a request for the documents returned to you by email: SEND EMAIL

WRITING YOUR HISTORY

(from “False Intimacy” by Harry Schaumburg)

1. Break up your history into segments (decades, if you want) up to your current
age. As you write, you may recall things that happened in other time periods.
Allow this to happen.

2. Be aware of how you felt about yourself at each stage of your development;
early childhood, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, adulthood, late
adulthood.

3. Include both positive and negative events or memories.

4. Record spiritual/religious influences on your sexuality, both positive and negative

5. Include parental/family messages or attitudes given to you (verbal and nonverbal).

6. Include parental/family messages or attitudes about sex and specifically about

your sexual development.

7. Describe the values of your parents and family (including, but not limited to

sexual values, morals, and beliefs).

8. Explore career or occupational influences on your sexuality.

9. Consider ethnic or cultural influences on your sexuality.

10. Describe any compulsive behavior (sexual or otherwise) in your family.

11. Did you experience any abuse or neglect inside or outside your family? Note:
Include sexual, emotional, physical, or verbal abuse experienced by you,
siblings, or others in your family.

12. When did you discover or become aware of your sexuality?

13. Describe your sexual education process, as to when and how you learned.

14. Did you have childhood, adolescent, or adult homosexual experiences?

15. How old were you when you started dating? If you didn't date, what was it
like? Describe your first crush or "puppy love."

16. How old were you when you first had intercourse? Petted? Kissed? How did
you feel about it?

17. Do you remember being held, touched, and nurtured as a child/adolescent?
Did any of the ways you were touched ever feel uncomfortable?

18. What were the impacts of significant events on your sexual development; for

example, births, deaths, divorces, remarriages, alcohol or drug abuse (yours or

your family members), affairs (yours, your spouse's or other family members),

school experiences, etc.

19. What feelings could or could not be expressed in your family? Consider the

impact on your sexual development.

20. Are you aware of any ways in which you have used sexual activities to avoid

relational pain?

21. Consider ways you have substituted sex for real intimacy.

22. Have you used denial of things to substitute a false world that is perceived to
be safer than the one God created?

23. Do you use sexual behavior to feel safe or create a sense of intimacy (that is

really not intimate)?

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Helpful Exercises from Dr. Doug Weiss’ “Partner’s Recovery Guide”

Here are some additional topics and information that may help trigger memories and experiences and organize your story.

Empowerment Exercise # 84: GROWING UP

Growing up sexually: While growing up in your family, you learned a lot of things. Some of these things were helpful and some things you learned at home were not so helpful. This exercise is going to focus on your family’s sexual education. As children and adolescents, you are taught not only by what your parents say and do but also the attitudes and unwritten rules your parents believed.

In the area of sex, what did you learn from your

Mom: _______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Dad: ________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

From the above information, what beliefs or behaviors have you duplicated in your life? If any, list them: _______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What were the long term results of these beliefs or behaviors about sex that you saw in your parent’s life or relationship: ______________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What specific plans can you make to not duplicate these same results in your life and relationships? ___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

How women are treated: How you treat yourself and others is usually to some degree what you have seen or experienced in your family of origin. Your parents’ non intimate relationship (for example) may influence your personal way of relating to your partner or others. Patterns of relating to your partner are taught by your perceptions of your parents’ relationship. Write about the beliefs and behaviors you learned from each person about how women are treated and about relationships:

Dad: _______________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

Mom: ______________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

From the above lists, write down those beliefs or behaviors you have duplicated in your own life: ____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

What were the long term results of these beliefs or behaviors about how women are treated: _____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

What specific plan can you make not to duplicate these results in your life and relationships? ___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

Growing up with Anger: Anger is one thing few people talk about. You will need to discuss and deal with anger from several perspectives. Focus on what you have learned about anger from your parents. In some families, you can only discuss “feeling” after you get mad. In other words, it is okay to hit or be verbally abusive if you are mad. Many other rules about anger are learned in the home such as don’t get mad, ever. Instead, eat or drink alcohol to cope with your anger, run away, withdraw, withhold or emotionally punish others with your anger. List what beliefs and behaviors you learned about anger from:

What specific plan can you make not to duplicate these results in your life and relationships? ___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

The End

Release Form: This form gives us permission to use your story for research purposes, for anecdotal evidence, for publication in future books, articles and on this website and other appropriate uses. We do guarantee confidentiality as we do in all our client relationships and your identity will be kept anonymous. If you have any concerns about the story and related facts in some way identifying you, please let us know and we will either disguise the information or come to some other mutual agreement regarding use.

Professional Release of Information Statement

This release of information statement is for the purpose of giving Lifehouse Restoration Center, LLC (LRC) complete and unrestricted use of information provided by clients and other interested parties (provider). It includes case history, personal stories and any other voluntary information. The primary use of these materials is for research papers, articles and books.

In no way does this violate the confidentiality of anyone providing the information or does it violate any client/therapist confidentiality rights. The provider will be kept anonymous and their privacy respected in every way possible. In the event the information provided may in some way identify the provider, special arrangements will be made on a case by case basis. The provider shall make their concerns known to LRC and LRC agrees not to use the information until all parties are satisfied.

( ) YES ( ) NO I have concerns about my privacy in releasing this information and I am providing those concerns attached to this release.

I, _________________________________________________, hereby agree to release all information as described above without reserve.

Signed _______________________________________________ Date _______________

**********************************************************************************

Received by LRC on ______________________________

"LIGHTING THE WAY TO LIVING WELL" Help with your story history

"LIGHTING THE WAY TO LIVING WELL"

Help with your story history